When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
