I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize