Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Couch. On fire.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
