i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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