ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
