After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
