two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
