Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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