you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Couch. On fire.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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