Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
