I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
