so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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