no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
