you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize