JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
