We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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