i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have feelings that need drinking.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
