I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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