I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we should paint friendship bongs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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