repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
