I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
