This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
