There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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