if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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