Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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