weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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