wat bout pragnant strippers??
People in love make me want to vomit
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
