epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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