yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
