I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize