I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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