Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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