I think my fart just growled at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
