He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
