why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just pee around me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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