I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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