I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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