you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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