So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
