I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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