What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
