Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
