Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
