so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
