yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
