I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
