Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
