guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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