I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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