I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
