Kiss
Puke
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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