I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
