so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
