but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
