Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
