I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
