Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
