my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
