Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
