my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
