UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
