i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize