I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
