the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
