My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
