New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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