where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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