OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
another moral hangover. fuck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Two words: blizzard sex
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
